Theos-Talk Archives (January 1997 Message tl00752)

<< >Richard Ihle writes-->
 >>Get a grip on yourself, Murray.  You know you're never going to get any
 >>chicks unless you can first somehow get them thinking that you'll be doing
 >>~them~ a favor. . . .

 >Thoa:
 >I've had a few men approaching me thinking that they're doing me a favor.
 >Boy, did they get the heave-ho.

Tom writes-->
 They were incompetent bunglers.  The trick in getting chicks, broads,
 foxes, babes, etc., besides never exposing any use of language that might
 be perceived as sexist, is to know that it is really you who are doing them
 a favor while convincing you that they are doing you a favor without it
 appearing that they think they're doing you a favor.  Is that clear?

Richard Ihle writes-->
I agree that they were incompetent, but only for your reason that they did
not get ~Thoa~ thinking that they would be doing her a favor.  (Instead, they
got her thinking that ~they thought~ they would be doing her a favor.)  

However, I must disagree with you on the issue of never exposing your sexist
language (and, by extension, most other qualities which one would think that
the women would find objectionable).  The key, in my opinion, is not to worry
so much about your negatives, but just make sure you make a strong impression
on them one way or another.  The reason for this is that it has been my
experience that women tend to see men of the semi-descript middle ground as
merely consolation prizes.  

Thus, in this "contrarian" view, a man who really irritated a woman to an
extreme degree would probably have a much better chance of winning her than a
man who did not move her in any way at all.  Once the woman allows the hated
one to become a regular feature of her "astral plane," visualizing him and
thinking how much she despises him etc., the tide of the battle has perhaps
definitely shifted in the man's favor.  It may be only a matter of time
before so much "inner work" about him gives way to idle curiosity about what
it would mean to become intimate etc. with such a man.  If she allowed
herself to indulge too many fantasies in this regard, she might unwittingly
set the "triggering mechanism," and from there it might only a simple matter
of the man showing up at the right place at the right moment.

However, the major exception to the foregoing, it seems to me, relates to
your statement, "[knowing] that it is really you who are doing them a favor."
 I think that it is unlikely that a man who does not, at the core of himself,
actually believe that women are far greater prizes than he could ever be will
be very successful.  

In the first place, such a man may not ~really like and value women~
(compared to how much he likes and values himself) sufficiently to expend the
necessary effort and passion in a relationship with them.  

In the second place, I am convinced that a man's excessive narcissism is the
one vice which inclines women not to think about him very much to begin with.
 The psychological mechanism involved may be analogous to a man in a bar who
attempts to seduce a woman by the non-stop showing of pictures of his wife,
telling the other woman how perfect the wife is, how much he loves the wife,
how true he is to the wife etc.  His devotion to his wife might seem
admirable to the woman; however, the woman might have difficulty in seeing
how this man and his wife can have anything to do with her.  Similarly, it is
my observation, at least, that women often do not waste much time thinking
about men who are obviously married to themselves.

Speaking thus without fear or fact about things which I merely think I ~see~:
 oh yes, I am a theosophist. . . .

Godspeed,

Richard Ihle