Theos-Talk Archives (May 1996 Message tl01219)

At 10:52 PM 5/21/96 -0400, you wrote:
>The file which follows is transcribed *verbatim* as originally written
>nineteen years ago.  Although the language I might use now would be a
>little different, I can find little fault with it which is not mentioned
>in the transcript itself.  This is something which *actually happened*
>to me.  It is not part of any teaching, dogma, nor out of any textbook
>on theosophy or anything else, though *the account of it* has probably
>been influenced by studying such things.  So be it.
>
>I upload it to the list for the benfit of anyone who can make good use
>of it - it is a gift, if you like.  I desperately hope no one is going
>to try to "explain" it to me.  I already did that. :-) - Alan
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>"Saturday February 19th 1977
>
>"Woken by 'bad dream'. I was looking for my parents (--?) and was
>   recalling in the dream that should they hear me making sounds of
>   a certain kind they would wake me up. In the dream I was very
>   anxious, as I could hear the sounds, but nothing was happening -
>   I was not being woken. I passed along a section of suburban
>   street, not in the body, and found the source of the sound. It
>   was my own body, which was lying face down in the bed, moaning
>   loudly with each out-breath. Surprised, I dropped down into it
>   immediately, and awoke, trembling. Realising the significance of
>   the 'dream' I endeavoured to recall it, or as much of it as
>   possible, and to hold this recollection until I awoke again
>   later in the usual manner, which I have done.
>
>"NOTES: In the dream, my parents were supposed to have instructions
>   regarding waking me if necessary. This can only be symbolic, as
>   I live 135 miles away from them.
>
>"I was looking for the source of the sound myself, *because* I had
>   not been woken.
>
>"I was away from my body. By implication, I knew I was away from it,
>   otherwise I would not have left 'instructions' to wake me in the
>   event of my (body) making a noise.
>
>"I was aware of myself looking for body in order to get back into it
>   and to awaken it, in the same way as one is aware of events
>   happening to someone else. It would be true to say that I was
>   watching the proceedings with a detached and carefully observant
>   attitude.
>
>"What then is 'I' ? Certainly not my body - that was moaning on its
>   own. I was aware of it dimly, but clearly expected someone else
>   to deal with it. I only went back to it when it was apparent
>   that this was not going to happen. I was aware of myself
>   searching for my body, *as an observer of myself.* So I am not
>   that self which was looking for its body, though for part of the
>   dream I am identified with it, and anxious. The clearest
>   recollection on first waking was of the dream details and the
>   anxiety. On looking at the event more closely, at that time I
>   was aware of my actual detachment from the events, which I
>   observed without identification.
>
>"CONCLUSIONS
>
>"'I' is not my body, because it can moan in my absence, and 'I' can
>   be aware of this to the extent of hurrying hack to it in order
>   to stop it.
>
>"'I' is not that self that was away from the body, and anxious to
>   return because of the body's distress, for I had awareness of
>   this 'self' in the same way as I would of anyone else. The 'out
>   of the body' self was anxious. I, observing the whole thing, was
>   not.
>
>'I' am 'I'. I have a body, which can moan in its sleep, whilst my
>   'self' is away from it. I can observe myself away from my body,
>   and instruct my memory to recall the event, *once the event is
>   brought to my attention.*
>
>'I' can then utilise the faculties of both 'self' and body to
>   recall the occurrence at a later time, and to record it with as
>   much clarity as 'I' observed it.
>
>"My body had distress - it moaned.
>
>"My 'self' had anxiety - it looked for the body.
>
>"'I' had no feeling - 'I' simply saw.
>
>"I who saw now make these notes, using the faculties inherent in
>   body and 'self'. ('Self' objects to this, insisting on its
>   independence from 'I'.  It is rather like a disobedient child.
>   Therefore 'self' sees 'I' as a parent - the parents of the dream
>   sequence perhaps, which is how 'I' became involved, by
>   detachment, in the events).
>
>"I am not body.
>
>"I am not the body's complaints.
>
>"I am not anxiety, or any of the feelings attributable to 'self'.
>   ('Self' is very cross at this !)
>
>"I am simply I.
>
>"I possess attributes such as body, with its attributes, and 'self'
>   with its attributes, but they are possessions only, following
>   their own natures and laws. 'Self' has some independence from
>   body, but is bound to return to it if need be, and, it would
>   seem, to advise of its absence. I can have awareness of this -
>   probably again according to the laws of being, but am not
>   involved in any way other to observe and record.
>
>"I am I, and I am. I know that I am and that I possess qualities,
>   which qualities I am not. The nature and activity of these
>   qualities of body and 'self' changes in behaviour and mood, and
>   also in function. *I do not.* Thanks be to God.
>
>"(Some part, if not all of the last sentence is the identification
>   of 'self' with my observation - I observe it to be so! The child
>   seeks to emulate, and *thereby to control* the parent!)
>
>A.B."
>---------
>THEOSOPHY INTERNATIONAL:
>Ancient Wisdom for a New Age
>TI@nellie2.demon.co.uk
>
>Alan,that is, as my students say: "Cool"! No one could explain it more
clearly than you did.

alexis