Theos-Talk Archives (November 1997 Message tl00365)

Just got these great ideas

Uncle Chuckie

Todays Jokes............

>Things To Do Thanksgiving Day If You Want To Leave Early
>
>- Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and
>proceed
>to take off your clothes at the dinner table.
>
>- Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta into the turkey while it cooks.
>Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.
>
>- Shoot olive pits at Grandpa's glasses (just pinch them in your fingers
>and they FLY!)
>
>- Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R,
>make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.
>
>- When it's your turn to state what you are thankful for, say " Fantasy
>football and ESPN," or " Macy's and Neiman's "
>
>- Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.
>
>- Hold your nose while you eat.
>
>- Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey
>farms. 
>
>-Mid-meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't
>notice,
>you were worried for nothing".
>
>- Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in
>the
>blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that you've
>got
>a new fear of choking.
>
>-Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, "THE SAFETY IS
>OFF", while you hold your pocket.
>
>- When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour
>late,
>he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary
>release forms, and then they are free to go.
>
>-Sit at the "children's table" and suggest using Beavis and Butt-head as
>good role models.