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Jul 05, 1997 02:35 PM
by Annette Rivington

Thanks to Alan and Eldon and Liesel for your responses.  I have printed
and retained them as they contain much that is helpful.  I read "Nucleus
of Brotherhood" et al, which also illuminated some points for me.
Alan:  Hope to meet you in eternity.  I felt the support jump off the
page and hug me just when I needed it most.  You're the healer in that
momentary triad.
Eldon:  Well, you certainly proved me wrong about not including the
psychological.  Yes, I recognize the "Peter Pan" personality and,
considering the radical change in personality and behaviour lately, I
think you may understand why I was convinced you lot were a cult.  My
sadness arises because of the very principal of "in-between space" that
you describe.  This was something I expected to achieve in a
relationship over many years of ups and downs, comings and goings.  I
guess I expect too much, too soon.
My next step:  I'm re-reading the Celestine Prophesy and want to find
out if I have some psychic skills.  Mostly, I'm watching and listening
for a "call" of some kind, but in the meantime, I'm plodding on.  Eldon,
you're the philosopher in the triad, and boy, do you know your stuff.
Liesel:  I watched your comings and goings.  I apologize for attacking
your philosophy, but know you understand my misguided motives.  I am
trying to make an enjoyable life for myself, starting with truth and
compassion at home.  I can't just walk out, that would go against all my
beliefs and what example would that be for my children?  Also, because I
love Peter in the same way I love any person and I know that taking away
from him his "safe place to go back to" is the one way one can hurt him
the most and I do not want to hurt anyone in the process of finding my
own way.  Also because "walking away" from those things I find difficult
or painful is always my first inclination (I figure something I did a
lot in a past life) so I am trying to learn to say to the tough things:
"come dance with me and show me the way", but now and again I get pushed
to the wall and I turn and defend myself any way I think will work.
Liesel, you're the warrior in the triad. (A warrior only defends the
peace).  Always ready to give up your own needs to make sure that the
opportunity for fairness and growth is given to all.

I got what I asked for, and as usual I doubt.  Inaction is sooo much
safer!  We no longer get the Theos-Buds and now I miss your chat that
was never mine to share in the first place.  Peter is momentarily
catatonic, at least at home, because he never imagined I would turn and
lash out.  He'll get over it, and I'll work this through. I feel sort of
"fuller" because I talked to you guys and you talked back.  As I read
your thoughts, I did not feel alone.  We aren't supposed to feel so
lonely most of the time, are we?  You did a great job.

Have a great life.  Annette.

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