Theos-Talk Archives (January 1999 Message tl00134)

Dear Kym

I'm writing this much later than I would have liked to, because of demands
from the "real world" (Ha!)

>Not to dig into your personal life, but you were quite young when your
>first wife died.  That is an awful lot to deal with when someone is just
>beginning their journey into adulthood.  I am assuming your wife was young
>also, which can seem to make death all the worse.

Well, I was a bit further on than beginning the journey into adulthood, but
it was certainly hard to watch someone die when they had so much potential
close to being realised. But she made an immense transition over the space
of her last year. The steps were often painful, as when realising that she
would now never do certain things her friends would take for granted they
would do, but they culminated in a truly beautiful spirit of love towards
those around - a completed letting-go with a quietly radiant selfhood in
her last 3 days. A real gift.

>Yes, I have often wondered what the newly-dead experience - whether they
>grieve, have to adjust, miss their loved ones, etc.  In Western society the
>dead are often portrayed as going merrily into heaven with not a thought of
>what or who remains behind.  It would seem odd if that were true, unless
>some kind of 'sudden enlightenment' occurs, which doesn't seem quite
>logical either.

I often wondered the same things, and think that the newly-dead are most
certainly mindful of who is left behind, on top of having to make their own
adjustments. A principle of reasonable continuity is a good guide. If, as
we are told, the recently-dead can be with their physically-dwelling loved
ones while the latter are asleep, then the physically alive ones have the
disadvantage of remembering little or nothing of any night-time
interactions, but the newly-dead have a stream of unbroken awareness which
would lessen their own sense of loss. I am sure an understanding person
would, after death, realise the huge belief-structural and perceptual
disadvantages their physical loved ones are labouring under. It becomes
more of a problem, though, if one in the physical world becomes trapped at
some stage of their grieving process and is unable to move through it.
There's one thing, though; whatever you read about the after-death state
has to be grossly under-representative of the inner worlds with their vast
variety - each person being so different.

I believe strongly that we should allow grief its time and space - there's
a hell of a lot to work out and adjust to. It is unreasonable to expect, as
some theosophists seem to, that simply having an intellectual assurance of
life after death should somehow magically enable us to transcend grief in
one heroic leap. An awareness of theosophy certainly makes a big
difference, and transcendence *can* happen, but there's far more at stake
than the question of survival, as I'm sure you're only too well aware.

>>I can imagine *you* being influenced by socially-implanted ideas, of course
>>... :)
>
>Oh, how I wish that were so!  My past years as a Catholic to Christian
>Fundamentalist has left some residual "poison" which serves to frighten and
>shake my foundations on occasion.  It's hard to remove imprints that have
>been hammered into you for years and years - only later do you realize the
>damage done.  Now I've swung almost completely to the other side, I think -
>hopefully, in time, balance will come.

I have great admiration for those who have climbed the steep walls of
religiously-implanted fear and misbelief, out into the open, to walk with
their own feet - who have come to see their own belief structures and have
chosen to confront and alter them. This is not to denigrate the best in the
different religions, because this inner confrontation comes to all who
choose to walk the walk. All facets of their accumulated psyche must
ultimately come to clear sight. Painful, if not terrifying.

>This particular time is fraught with bad dreams - dreams that she's not
>really dead and is buried alive and suffering, dreams that there are bugs
>coming in and out of her ears, dreams where I find her under a pile of
>ashes still alive.  Clearly, my mind is struggling to accept this death,
>but it somehow must.

Ah, yes, when the work is done. If you can let each image, each instance go
on its way .... note it and let it go. Perhaps you are touching more than
your own suffering, but tapping into humanity's accumulated psychic junk in
these sharply-anguished days, by resonance. I have seen extraordinarily
yukky, demonic images rise one after the other to my inward eye but the
flow, in time, eased right away. You might like to try actually asking the
Light to gently flood your whole being, like soft sunlit rain, and wash the
agonised mass of this stuff out of your being. It may not seem to do
anything at first - you might not even feel you can ask! - but the
heartfelt desire and intention will bring its response.

I acknowledge the rest of your message, hot from the heart, and wish you well.

Murray