Theos-Talk Archives (May 1997 Message tl00332)

A friend asked me once, "Do you understand to manipulate, or manipulate to
understand?"  It has taken me a couple of years to figure out what he was
talking about.  My answer to him then was "I manipulate to understand."  I
finally figured out, about two months ago, that he left out, "or do you
just understand" on purpose.  In everything I did, there was a
manipulation in one form or another.  A manipulation of words.  Or of
purpose.  Then by manipulating those words and purposes I attempted to
find the truth.  I had never thought to just stand back and watch.  I had
to be right in the middle of it.

I think his question, although I didn't even remember his asking it until
two months ago, helped me a long way to understanding how people act and
react to others and their environment.  Now I watch others.  Then I watch
myself.  I try to look at both sides of the coin, wear other people's
shoes, and then, if I feel comfortable with my conclusions, I step in.

And like I said, if I have to stop caring, I'm doomed, because I never
will.  I'll take on the pain that others feel, absorb it if I have to,
whether it makes me a better person or not.  With respect to the above,
I've always been this way.  I've always had good intentions.  It's just
that now I don't let my ego get in the way of everything.  I don't
automatically assume that I am right.

I can't say that this change has reaped any great reward as far as helping
people out, for my success record still falls short of my expectations.
However, I haven't made anything worse than it already was with this
change of view.  I suppose that is a small, but wonderful, step in itself.

---
Jaqi.

I wrote:
>         >If I have to stop caring in order to help,

Liesel wrote:
> Jaqui don't *ever* stop caring. That is the energy which drives your
> actions. What I try to do is care a lot, and with that caring try to
> understand what makes the person I want to help tick, and then I try to step
> back for a moment  to figure out how best to help. And then I try to go to
> it, with everything I can put into it.
> Liesel
>