Theos-Talk Archives (January 1997 Message tl00893)

Richard Ihle writes-->
The key, in my opinion, is not to worry so much about your negatives, but
just make sure you make a strong impression on them one way or another.  The
reason for this is that it has been my experience that women tend to see men
of the semi-descript middle ground as merely consolation prizes.  

Tom Robertson writes--> 
This makes sense.  I've always felt that my total failure in this area is not
due to any particularly repellent qualities (since I've gotten to be pretty
good at hiding all of them), but that I am just too damn boring.

RI-->
1.  I don't suppose it's so bad to proclaim yourself a "total failure," since
a certain percentage of women are always looking for someone other than
themselves to improve.  There might be one or two right on this list who have
reinstated you as a "possible" just because of your forthrightness in this
regard (Liesel, however, probably didn't buy it . . .).  

2.  If I had to do it over again, though, I would probably ~only~ be involved
with women who had already long resigned themselves to taking
"consolation-prize men."  Whatever the male type an uncompromising woman is
attracted to, it is undoubtedly the case that she will sooner or later
discover that you are not the highest example of her preferred type; thus she
will become dissatisfied.  In short, if you weren't a consolation prize to
begin with, it is only a matter of time before you will be.  

Indeed, there may only be the slightest hope for women who insist on keeping
alive their highest dreams regarding men.  On the other hand, an already
fully resigned woman can always be pleased and appreciative when you don't
fall quite so short as she initially thought you would.

(The foregoing may be a valid insight, or it could be just a jaundiced view
lingering in the aftermath of my first serious girlfriend, Ms Georgia ______,
a half-Greek, half-American-Indian beauty who became "Miss Univac," won some
regional title in the Miss America Contest, and then left me for an airline
pilot and then later him for a top executive with Wang Industries.)

3.  One of the worst methods, in my opinion, for "making a strong impression"
on a woman may be to try to impress her with your skill in dispassionate
argumentation and/or your superiority of cognitive process.  

My experience is that many women seem to regard any man's preoccupation with
logic, reasoned disputation etc. as almost an impoverished way of
experiencing the world--i.e., something akin to stripping off all the leaves,
blossoms, and fruit of a cherry tree just to fully apprehend the bare pattern
of its branches.  Perhaps some women may even regard this as a display of
"weaponry" which is very likely to be turned against them someday.  High IQ,
knowing a lot of interesting things, wittiness, clever conversational skills
etc. fall into a different category, of course.

And, naturally, there are exceptions:  Immanual Kant was married, wasn't he?

4.  Anyway, one of the better methods to impress yourself upon a woman is
still probably just to look directly into her eyes and smile at her.

5.  You seem right on target when you identify being "just too damn boring"
as the thing a man must overcome at all costs.

6.  However, I will have to do some more thinking about your statement, "The
only stable relationship is between equals."  

It seems to me that people wax and wane.  Things happen in life.  There is
not only growth and improvement but also sickness and decline.  What started
out as equal may not always be equal.  If you advance beyond a woman in
knowledge, spirituality, or Self-awareness, will you leave her?  If you
become afflicted with Alzheimer's, will she leave you?

I'll do more thinking about it, but I'll tell you right now . . . equal or
unequal, theoretically stable or unstable, I'm not getting rid of my dog. . .