Theos-Talk Archives (December 1996 Message tl00562)

Tom Robertson wrote in 771:
>At 02:47 AM 12/20/96 +0000, liesel@dreamscape.com (liesel f. deutsch) wrote:

>>It seems that very often we women just get dumped on, and we've
>>gotten so used to it throughout the centuries, that we just take whatever
>>gets dished out to us, and we struggle on from there. No matter how sick, or
>>pregnant, or anything else we are, most of us manage to carry on taking care
>>of our families and all the chores. Nobody says "thank you", not ever.

>No matter how much some radical feminists may believe that there might be 1
>or 2 men somewhere who are slightly imperfect in what I assume to be highly
>insignificant ways, the responsibility for men taking women who give more
>than they receive for granted is mutual.  All good things create dependence,
>a factor which all givers should take into account.  The recipient of a gift
>is not obligated to the extent of the cost to the giver, but to the extent
>of the benefit to the recipient.  If the cost to the giver is greater than
>the benefit to the recipient, that is the giver's responsibility.

I used to think in that fashion.  If my mother gave me the guilt trip by
listing all of the things she has done for me, I would think (wouldn't dare
talk back) that it was her choice to give birth to me.  I never asked for
all she's done for me.  Now that I am older and wiser, I think of many
things I should be grateful for.  As a single unwed mother in Vietnam, she
could have given or thrown away her brand new baby.  In Vietnam, she could
have killed her baby and nobody would have cared.  My stepfather told me
that when he was in Vietnam, he walked by a woman who was selling her young
girl.  He gave her money so that she would stop trying to sell her.  I used
to gripe about the fact that she had me live with another family in the
country, instead of being with her in the city while she works.  I now
realize that she was having me safely taken care of while she brings in
money.  I used to gripe at the fact that my clothes were home made or came
from the thrift shop.  I now realize that I was always clothed.  I used to
gripe that she always prepared food simply and routinely.  I now realize
that I was never hungry.  I used to gripe that she was too strict and
punished me too often.  I now realize that helped to keep me out of
trouble.

We all could have more.  We all received benefits that we didn't ask for.
Sometimes we feel that what we receive was not enough.  If we opened a
present that contained an item that we feel we don't want, instead of being
thankful that we have received a gift, we wish that the giver had given us
what we wanted.  I sometimes find that tacky fake flower clock handy when
all my other clocks broke down.  When I sit still and think of all that
I've received, I'm pretty darn lucky and thankful to all the givers who
still gave even though they did not receive a thank you.  Time to call mom.

TTT S=o)