Theos-Talk Archives (May 1996 Message tl00980)

At 08:48 AM 5/17/96 -0400, you wrote:
>Alex,
>The weird relationships of Italian lesser nobility confuse me no end.  I was
>told all these funny stories by my father's older brother, Uncle Pascal, when
>I was a kid and never took any of them seriously and all of a sudden in grad
>school I learned why I have all these middle names.  Of course they had to
>mix the Anglo-Dutch-Austrian-German part with the Italian, which is were Will
>and Michael come from (Will being the maternal grandparents' surname) and the
>fact that our branch of the family is protestant made some of the rest very
>unhappy (I grew up with the Thirty Years War still raging around me) so we
>just never made anything of it.
>I have about five coats of arms laying around this house somewhere, two of
>them from mother's side, at least one granted by the Massachusetts Colony and
>the rest from father's.
>Actually, that post was the second time I've used the title in my life, the
>first one was to spice up a talk I gave last fall on vampires, though I knew
>I was likely to be the heir to it when I was going out with Patricia Rokke
>and had to bite my cheek a lot to avoid using it to impress her.  Now she is
>a story!
>To my knowledge, none of my family has ever fucked a sheep, unless it was
>disguised as a peasant who got in the way of the army.  Now the Bonapartes,
>being only Sardinian, a savage people whose only skill before Napoleon was in
>being able to swim in neat rows into those little cans...  Well, that's what
>Uncle Pat said!
>
>Chuck the Atrocious MTI, FTSA
>Heretic
>Troublemaker
>
>
>
Chuck:

It's very dangerous to assume no relation ever fucked a sheep. No one really
knows what my Tartar ancestors had congress with, but I'm sure they did more
than drink their ponies blood. Aaargh, the vision of a bowlegged little
tartar barbarian chasing his pony with lust blazing from his eyes and Kvass
dripping from his beard, it's enough to make anyone's day! And as for my
Viking ancestors, it'd be just like them to have proven their "manhood" on
some poor Bear! (Probably Male just to be even more Male dominant). Now
Nappie was a Corsican, and maybe they were the "cans" into which the
Sardinians fit? Did you know that not only was Napoleon's Father a Corsican
Count but also a Lawyer! But you have to say this about Nappie, when it came
to things military he was awfully good at what he did! The only problem with
him was he had a Napoleon complex!

Now as to weird relationships among Italian lesser nobility. You have any
idea how weird the relationships get among the Greater Italian Nobility?
Besides Popes in the family, and Cardinals, and bankers, and lawyers, and
mercenaries (like Sir John Hawkwood) the Italian Nobility is the most
incredible maze of interlocking incest. Now, when we come to
"Royal/Imperial" relationships they are, of course, limited to no single
nation, and they make the Italian Greater Nobility's relationships seem
positively as simple as serfs. I think it's a truism but, the higher the
title, the more fucked up the bloodlines! They had such a limited choice of
equal matings that the effort to keep from being too inbred led to some
really odd pairings.

I would loved to have seen Il Conte di Cosimano giving a talk on Wampyres!
You did wear a black cloak, I hope, if you didn't I'll be eternally
disappointed! I have one if you don't.

There's a tribe among my ancestry called The Taters, are their kids called
"Tater tots"?

alexis