Theos-Talk Archives (June 1995 Message tl00101)

Greetings on a fine summer day ... thought I'd pass this on
for the laughs that are in it ......
                                        -JRC

Those who forget history - and the English language - may be
condemned to mangle both.  Historian Anders Henriksson, a five
year veteran of the university classroom, has faithfully recorded
his freshman students' more striking insights into European
history.  Possibly as an act of vengeance, Henriksson has
assembled these fractured fragments into a chronological
narrative from the Middle Ages to the present.

"During the Middle Ages, everyone was middle aged.  Church and
state were co-operated.  Middle Evil society was made up of
monks, lords, and surfs.  After a revival of infantile commerce,
merchants appeared.  Those roamed from town to town exposing
themselves and organizing big fairies in the countryside.  The
Crusades were expeditions by Christians who were seeking to free
the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.

In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular.  A class
of ycowls arose.  Finally, Europe caught the Black Death.  It was
spread from port to port by inflected rats.  The plague also
helped the emergence of English as the national language of
England, France, and Italy.

The Middle Ages slimpared to a halt.  The renesance bolted in
from the blue.  Life reeked with joy.  Italy became robust, and
more individuals felt the value of their human being.  Italy, of
course, was much closer to the rest of the world, thanks to
northern Europe.  Man was determined to civilise himself and his
brothers, even if heads had to roll! It became sheik to be
educated.  Europe was full of incredable churches with great art
bulging out of their doors.  Renaisance merchants were beautiful
and almost lifelike.

The Reformnation happened when German nobles resented that tithes
were going to the pope, thus enriching Catholic coiffures.  The
popes were usually Catholic.  An angry Martin Luther nailed 95
theocrats to a church door.  Theologically, Luthar was into
reorientation mutation.  Anabaptist services tended to be
migratory.  Monks went right on seeing themselves as worms.

After the refirmation were wars both foriegn and infernal.  If
the Spanish could gain the Netherlands they would have a
stronghold throughout northern Europe that would include Italy,
Burgandy, central Europe and India, thus surrounding France.  The
German Emporer's lower passage was blocked by the French for
years and years.

Louis XIV became King of the Sun.  He gave people food and
artillery.  If he didn't like someone he sent them to the gallows
to row for the rest of their lives.  Vauban was the royal
minister of flirtation.

In Russia, the 17th century was known as the time of the bounding
of the serfs.  Russian nobles wore clothes to humor Peter the
Great.  Peter filled his government with accidental people;
orthodox priests became government antennae.

The enlightenment was a reasonable time.  Philosophers were
unknown yet, and the fundamental stake was one of religious
tolerance slightly confused with defeatism.

France was in a serious state.  Taxation was a great drain on the
state budget.  The French revolution was accomplished before it
happened.  The revolution catapaulted into Napolean.  Napoleon
was ill with bladder problems and was very tense and
unrestrained.

History started in 1815.  Industrialization was precipitating in
England.  Problems were so complexicated that in Paris, out of a
population of 1 million people, 2 million able bodies were on the
loose.

The middle class was tired and needed a rest.  The old order
could see the lid holding down new ideas beginning to shake.
Among the goals of the chartists were universal sufferage and an
anal parliment.

A new time zone of national unification roared over the horizon.
Founder of the new Italy was Cavour, an intelligent Sardine from
the north.  Culture formented from its tip to its top.
Dramatized were adventures in seduction and abortion.  Music
reeked with reality.  Wagner was master of music, and when he
died they labeled his seat "historical".

World War I broke out about 1912-1914.  At war people get killed,
and then they aren't people anymore, but friends.  Peace was
proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by General Loid, Primal
Minister of England.  President Wilson arrived with 14 pointers.
In 1917, Lenin revolted Russia.

Germany was displaced after WW1.  This gave rise to Hitler, who
remilitarized the Rhineland over a squirmish between Germany and
France.  Mooscalini rested his foundations on 8 million bayonets
and invaded Hi Lee Salasy.  Germany invaded Poland, France
invaded Belgium, and Russia invaded everybody.  War screeched to
an end when a nukleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima.  A
whole generation had been wipe out, and their forlorne families
were left to pick up the peaces.

The last stage is us.