Theos-Talk Archives (February 1999 Message tl00006)

In a message dated 1/17/99 12:01:41 AM Eastern Standard Time, theos-
l@list.vnet.net writes:

<< It's hard to remove imprints that have
 been hammered into you for years and years - only later do you realize the
 damage done.  Now I've swung almost completely to the other side, I think -
 hopefully, in time, balance will come. >>

Kym, you're singing my song here!  I know from personal experience whereof you
speak. Sometimes I think that tension will never completely disappear - but
maybe that's part of what makes life interesting, a work-in-progress.  I've
found that what I believe (or even know) intellectually by the light of day,
and what I feel deep down in my gut, alone in the dark facing my fears at
three in the morning, are not always in sync, and the deep down stuff often
comes from those imprints that were hammered into me at an early age, and that
seem etched into my bones despite my best efforts to grow out of them.  I've
kind of learned to live with them, like a chronic skin condition that you can
ameliorate but never completely shake off.  Every once in a while you have to
face the facts and stare down the oppressor, and act in spite of its
bleatings, and call in the Great Dermatologist or pour an entire bottle of
spiritual Desenex on your head if things get too far out of hand...  I guess
there is even a charm in the conflict somewhere - it makes me a little less
smug and more understanding of others' similar struggles.

Well, gotta go.  Gotta scratch an itch.
Christine