Theos-Talk Archives (July 1998 Message tl00014)

Ok folks,

The convention is fast upon us so here are a few things to remember for those
who have not had the pa-er-pleasure of suffering-er-going to convention and
summer school at Olcott.

1.  Drink lots of coffee before the opening ceremonies.  They can put even the
most hyperactive child to sleep in a matter of minutes.

2.  At the Annual Meeting, it is not considered polite to wear body armor that
shows.  Keep it hidden under your shirt.

3.  If you get a little envelope with a proxy in it, try to stay dignified and
avoid running around the room waving it.

4.  During the Annual Meeting, it is considered highly improper to boo or
throw things, though a loud Harrumph is permitted when the TPH person babbles
about the pretty covers of the books without mention anything between them.

5.  If at all possible, avoid eating meals at Olcott.  The food is inedible,
indigestible and causes constipation, as well as being shamefully overpriced
for what you get.  There are lots of good eateries around and Gerda and I will
be more than happy to point them out to you.

6.  If you are travelling to and from Midway Airport, do not, under any
circumstances, use public transportation.  The natives are not friendly and
the rats are not vegetarians.

7.  If you have to go out around Wheaton, carry a Bible under your arm.  This
will keep the natives from accosting you.

8.  If you do get accosted by a native, whack him or her upside the head with
an unabridged copy of the Secret Doctrine.  That will daze him long enough for
your getaway.

9.  It is considered very impolite to shout "Flapdoodle!!!" everytime someone
enters the Labyrinth, however offering a ball of yarn at the entrance will be
appreciated, along with cans of Minotaur repellent.

Have fun

Chuck the Heretic