Theos-Talk Archives (July 1998 Message tl00011)

Here is a 2 part post by Bernie on K list:

Part 1:
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This speech was made in 1928, in the period between Krishnamurti's
enlightenment and his voluntary dissolution of the Order of the Star. 

Sub-titles are mine, to make reading the text at the screen easier.

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One with the goal

If you would see life as a clear picture, you must, by discriminating
and selecting from your many experiences, gather the knowledge which
will help you the attainment of your goal. Life cannot be separated
from thought, feeling and action, and when you understand life as a
whole, using all experience as a ladder on which to climb, you attain.

My purpose is to make clear to you your own desires, to strengthen
your own unique growth towards perfection. But if you merely obey me
or use me as an authority, as a stepping-stone towards your goal, you
will fail, because it will not be your own desire that urges you.
Whereas, if you strengthen the understanding of your own desire and
use all experience to that end, no one can destroy or take away that
which you have gained.

As from out of a fire there comes forth a spark which can in its turn
light a great flame, springing heavenwards, so in every man there is
born the spark of desire, and I would strengthen that desire in you
that you may be able for yourself to light the fire which is necessary
for the fulfillment of life. 

To follow another, whosoever he may be, is to me the very negation of
what I hold to be true. Worship is contrary to all my ideas -
especially worship of individuals - and if you regard me as an
authority when this form of mine passes away, you will again be bound
to the same wheel of limitation. I do not want followers, I do not
want disciples, I do not want praise or worship of any kind. I need
nothing from anyone.

The time when one left the world and went away to a secluded spot, to
a monastery, is past. The time for open life and clear understanding
has come and I would speak of that understanding which I have found. I
would show you how I have found my Beloved, how the Beloved and I are
one so that there can be no separation either now or at any time.

Walls of prejudice

I have long been in revolt from all things, from the authority of
others, from the instruction of others, from the knowledge of others;
I would not accept anything as Truth until I found the Truth myself. I
never opposed the ideas of others but I would not accept their
autority, their theory of life. Until I was in that state of revolt,
until I became dissatisfied with everything, with every creed, with
every dogma and belief, I was not able to find the Truth. Until I was
able to destroy these things by constant struggle to understand what
lies behind them, I was not able to attain the Truth I sought.

Naturally I did not think of all these things while I was young - they
grew in me unconsciously. But now I can place all the events of my
life in their proper order and see what manner I have developed to
attain my goal, and have become my goal.

For long I have searched for that goal, and during my search I have
watched people trapped in their desires, as a fly is caught in the web
of a spider. Ever since I was able to think I have watched people
absorbed in their own thoughts, suffocated by the futility of life.
Wherever I went I saw people who believed that their happiness
consisted in the multitude of possessions. I saw people who had all
the comforts of this world, and yet their lives were in confusion,
because they were enslaved by these things. I saw people who loved
greatly and yet were bound by their love, for they had not found the
way to give love and yet be free. I saw people who were wise in
knowledge; and yet they were bound by their very learning. I saw
people who were steeped in religion and yet they were bound by their
traditions and by their fear of the unknown. I saw the wise withdraw
from the world into their own seclusion, and the ignorant caught up in
their own labours.

Watching people thus, I have seen that they build for themselves walls
of prejudice, walls of belief, walls of credulous thought, walls of
great fear against which they fight, trying to escape from the very
walls they themselves have built. Watching all people, I have seen how
useless is their struggle if they are not free from the very gods they
worship, from the interpreters who would guide them. Each guide, each
interpreter of the Truth translates that Truth according to his own
limited vision. If you depend on the interpreter for our
understanding, you will only learn the Truth according to his
limitations. But if you establish the goals for yourself, if you
strengthen your own desire for Truth and test the keenness of that
desire by observation, by welcoming sorrow and experience, then you
need have no mediators, then there need exist nothing between you and
your goal, between you and the Truth.

I would that I could make you certain of the Truth, for Truth is
greater than every book of every religion, greater than every belief
that you hold dear. But because you do not understand, Truth appears
to you as something fearsome, an enemy to be conquered, and because of
this fear you seek a mediator. But if you have a pure heart and a mind
that is full with understanding, you do not need gurus, mediators who
must inevitably condition, limit the Truth.
Ever since I was young I have observed these things, and I have never
allowed myself to be caught up in any of these confusions. Because I
have established my goal, because I have always regarded myself as a
boat on the stream, having no connection with the land where there is
confusion, I have attained, and now I would share my experience with
others. I would help those who are confused to make their minds and
hearts simple in their desire for attainment.

The latent volcano

Ever since I was a boy I have been, as most young people are, or
should be, in revolt. Nothing satisfied me. I listened, I observed, I
wanted something beyond mere phrases, the maya of words. I wanted to
discover and to establish for myself my goal. I did not want to rely
on anyone. I do not remember the time when I was being moulded in my
boyhood, but I can look back and see how nothing satisfied me.

When I went to Europe for the first time I lived among people who were
wealthy and well educated, who held positions of social authority; but
whatever their dignities or distinctions, they could not satisfy me. I
was in revolt also against theosophists with all their jargon, their
theories, their meetings, and their explanations of life. When I went
to a meeting, the lecturers repeated the same ideas which did not
satisfy me or make me happy. I went to fewer and fewer meetings, I saw
less and less of the people who merely repeated the ideas of
Theosophy. I questioned everything because I wanted to find out for
myself.

I walked about the streets, watching the faces of people who perhaps
watched me with even greater interest. I went to theatres; I saw how
people amused themselves, trying to forget their unhappiness, thinking
that they were solving their problems by drugging their hearts and
minds with superficial excitement.

I saw people with political, social or religious power - and yet they
did not have that one essential thing in their lives, which is
happiness.

I attended labour meetings, communist meetings, and listened to what
their leaders had to say. They were generally protesting against
something. I was interested, but they did not give me satisfaction.

By observation of one type and another I gathered experience
vicariously. Within everyone there was a latent volcano of unhappiness
and discontentment. I passed from one pleasure to another, from one
amusement to another, in search of happiness and found it not. I
watched the amusements of the young people, their dances, their
dresses, their extravagances, and I saw that they were not happy with
the happiness which I was seeking. I watched people who had very
little in life, who wanted to tear down those things which others had
built up. They thought that they were solving life by destroying and
building differently and yet they were unhappy.

I saw people who desired to serve going into those quarters where the
poor and the degraded live. They desired to help but were themselves
helpless. How can you cure another of disease if you are yourself a
victim of that disease?

I saw people satisfied with the stagnation which is unproductive,
uncreative - the bourgeois type which never struggles to be above the
surface or falls below it and so feels its weight.

I read books on philosophy, on religion, biographies of great people
and yet they could not give me what I wanted. I wanted to be so
certain, so positive, in my attitude towards life that nothing could
disturb me.

Then I came to India and I saw that the people there were deluding
themselves equally, carrying on the same old traditions treating women
cruelly. At the same time they called themselves very religious and
painted their faces with ashes. In India they may have the most sacred
books in the world, they may have the greatest philosophies, they may
have constructed wonderful temples in the past, but none of these was
able to give me what I wanted. Neither in Europe nor in India could I
find happiness.

Still I wandered always in search of this happiness which I knew must
exist. This was not a merely intellectual or emotional conviction. It
was like the hidden perfection which cannot be described, but of the
existence of which you are certain. You cannot ask a bud how it opens,
in what manner it gives forth its scent, at what time of the morning
it unfolds itself to the sun. But if you watch carefully, if you
observe keenly, you will discover for yourself the hidden beauty of
perfection.
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