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Some funnies.

Jul 29, 1997 06:29 PM
by Jaqtarin Samantha Triele

I thought some of these might be appreciated.  A little humor goes a long


ACTUAL Announcements Taken from Church Bulletins:

 Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

 Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

 The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan  Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

 This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends
 of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

 Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving
milk will  please come early.

 Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will
 sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

 Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All
wishing to  become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his
private study.

 This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and
lay an egg on  the altar.

 The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies
will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.

 Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
the new   carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet
will come forward and  get a piece of paper.

 The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they
may be seen  in the church basement Friday.

 A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will  follow.

 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?"  Come  early and listen to our choir  practice.

 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use  large double door at the side entrance.

 The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

 Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
new members  and to the deterioration  of some older ones.

 Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

 The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join  the choir.

 Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing
for the  girth of their first child.

 Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds  will be used to cripple children.

 The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes,
green beans,  bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

 The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last  Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."

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