HPB's Chicken Crosses the Road
Dec 27, 1996 05:24 AM
by Ann E. Bermingham
This post seems to be making the rounds on the
internet. I feel is it philosophically thought-provoking
enough for the logically-unchallenged members of
this auspicious list.
> --------- Begin forwarded message ----------
> > Why did the chicken cross the road?
> > Plato:
> > For the greater good.
> > Karl Marx:
> > It was an historical inevitability.
> > Thomas de Torquemada:
> > Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
> > Timothy Leary:
> > Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it
> > take.
> > Douglas Adams:
> > Forty-two.
> > Oliver North:
> > National Security was at stake.
> > Albert Einstein:
> > Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
> > depends upon your frame of reference.
> > Salvador Dali:
> > The Fish.
> > Ernest Hemingway:
> > To die. In the rain.
> > Werner Heisenberg:
> > We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it
> > moving very fast.
> > Jack Nicholson:
> > 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
> > Ronald Reagan:
> > I forget.
> > Henry David Thoreau:
> > To live deliberately... and suck all the marrow out of life.
> > Joseph Stalin:
> > I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
> > Machiavelli:
> > So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
> > has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with
> > fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a
> > paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's
> > dominion maintained.
> > Hippocrates:
> > Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
> > Telstra Management:
> > Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
> > dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
> > challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
> > newly competitive market. Telstra management, in a partnering
> > relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
> > physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using
> > the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) T.M helped the chicken use its
> > skills, methodologies, knowledge capital, and experiences to align
> > the chicken's people, processes, and technology in support of its
> > overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Telstra
> > Management convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and
> > best chickens along with T.M consultants with deep skills in the
> > transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of
> > in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit
> > explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order
> > achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully
> > architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework
> > across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.
> > The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating
> > impactful environment which was strategically based,
> > and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and
> > aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This
> > conducive towards the creation of a total business integration
> > solution. Telstra Management helped the chicken change to become
> > successful.
> > Coalition Frontbencher:
> > Because although the bird's shares in the current side of the road
> > couldn't really be seen to be influencing the bird's portfolio
> > responsibilities, there was a technical breach of the bird's
> > with the current side of the road and the code of conduct for
> > ministerial responsibility.
> > Pauline Hanson:
> > Because that's where they belong. They don't deserve to be on this
> > side of the road. They've 'fowled' this side of the road enough
> > their presence. Why don't they go back to the side of the road
> > they came from! We're in danger of being AVIANISED.
> > The Grimm Brothers:
> > It wasn't a chicken anymore, it was a slender beautiful swan. And
> > the other swans crossed the road together with the beautiful swan
> > they lived happily ever after.
> > Arnold Schwarzenegger:
> > HE VILL BE BACK! He is chust going to the chymnasium.
> > Sylvester Stallone:
> > Waada waadha aa waadha waa.
> > Nietzsche:
> > Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
> > across
> > you.
> > Carl Jung:
> > The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
> > individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
> > therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
> > Jean-Paul Sartre:
> > In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken
> > it necessary to cross the road.
> > Ludwig Wittgenstein:
> > The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects
> > and
> > "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the
> > actualization of this potential occurrence.
> > Aristotle:
> > To actualize its potential.
> > Buddha:
> > If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
> > Darwin:
> > It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
> > Emily Dickinson:
> > Because it could not stop for death.
> > Epicurus:
> > For fun.
> > Ralph Waldo Emerson:
> > It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
> > Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
> > The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
> > David Hume:
> > Out of custom and habit.
> > Saddam Hussein:
> > The chicken crossed the road as an unprovoked act of rebellion and
> > were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
> > Pyrrho the Skeptic:
> > What road?
> > John Sununu:
> > The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so
> > quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the
> > The Sphinx:
> > You tell me.
> > Mark Twain:
> > The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
> > Stephen Jay Gould:
> > It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it,
> > we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories
> > despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the
> > genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the
> > specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological
> > speculation.
> > Captain James T. Kirk:
> > To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
> > Noam Chomsky:
> > The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something
> > 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82%
> > their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken
> > coops break every international law ever written, and some,
> > particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on
> > inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless
> > you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have
> > crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of
> > this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily
> > around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens
> > are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally,
> > Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain,
> > subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues
> > 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press)
> Our local county road department: To show the possum that it can
> be done.
> --------- End forwarded message ----------
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