Theos-Talk Archives (December 1994 Message tl00119)

Hi, Jerry,

As we used to say in the old country "How did all that spinach land on
my roof? Cows don't know how to fly!" I sure did want to help come to
an agreement between theosophical factions.  But it was my idea to
contribute something as a member of a group, not as a spearhead,
warding off pot shots.  I envision someone who's a diplomat in that
job, which my son is, which your wife April must be, if she's teaching
conflict resolution, but which I'm not, for sure.

I guess you're right ...  our leaders of yesteryear did make a mess of
it, (but I think it was around 80 years ago, around 1910, CWL passed
over about 60 years ago).  You did say "our leaders then", because I
know one of our leaders today, John Algeo, who is eminently qualified
both by personality and experience to bring about a rapprochement of
the factions.  I don't know any of the others.  Having said that, I can
see that a grass roots level discourse can bring something positive to
this situation, for our leaders to work with lateron.

I need to make some conditions, before I'll commit myself to taking
part in any further discourse Jerry, I'd like you to explain to me,
addressed to my personal e-mail address, so we don't again set sparks
flying, off the theos-l net, what you mean when you say "...  the issue
(of CWL) is just a veil for much deeper & more threatening ones." I
need to have an idea of what we're getting into, before I'll agree to
take part in it.

Also, I don't see any reason why this has to be a dialogue between 2
people, when the whole 3 societies, plus maybe the splinter groups,are
involved.  There must be members of all factions on the Theos-l net.
I'd like for them to chime in, if they would.  I'm not interested in
having a monopoly on our part of the internet.

We need to devise some ground rules as to how we're going to conduct
this thing, so it doesn't get hysterical & out of hand as the CWL thing
between Paul & me did.  If emotions are high on the subject, the
discussion still needs to be done in a reasonably calm atmosphere,
because if we shout at each other, all we'll communicate is that the
other person is angry, or a fiery opponent, but we won't in the least
hear what they're saying.  I think I had some very good arguments for
CWL, but I think Paul was too angry to be able to listen to them.  I
didn't get too upset about what he said about CWL, because I'd heard
most of it before.  I did see red when he started to attack me
personally.  The atmosphere wasn't conducive to coming to an agreement,
although, goodness knows I tried a couple of times.  I was thinking
that April would be a good one to make up some ground rules, if she
would, & if she has it in her to be fair to all sides, which I imagine
she does, being a good teacher, even though she has her own opinions, I
would think she'd make a good arbitrator, if she would.

I want to conclude the CWL matter, & start the ball rolling on future
possible conciliations, by saying my piece about one of the very first
characteristics to be developed by a Theosophist entering the Path,
Viraga, non-attachment.  The meaning of that gave me trouble for a long
time, until I dreamt up for myself that it must mean "don't cling".
Don't cling to positive events & people in your life, don't cling to
the negative ones either.  Experience them, & move on.  It takes a long
long time, I think more than 1 life time, to be able to do that well.
Holding a grudge is a particular vicious kind of clinging, I find, & we
Theosophists are really good with holding grudges against each other
...  clinging ...  witness l'affaire Leadbeater of almost a century
ago.  Holding a grudge for a whole century, imagine what havoc that can
do to your system! Well, it has! I was brought up holding grudges all
the time.  I didn't know anything else.  Until Harry on one occasion
asked me to forgive him.  My Teacher, my Authority Figure asked me to
forgive him! Unheard of! I was flabbergasted.  But from then on I
learned to forgive.  I'm not perfect at it yet, but I'm on my way.

Serge King teaches a small routine to use to forgive someone.  I use it
at times.  (The old Hawaiians had their own version of conflict
resolution.  Serge teaches it on Kauai.  He told us a little about it.
Anyone who couln't come to some sort of an agreement at the end -they
didn't have to become bosom pals- had to leave the island.)

Here's the routine:

In your mind acknowledge the other person's mistake ...  (whether they
know about it or not.  You're dealing with your own attitude here.)

Change your thoughts & behavior towards that person, & decide to
forgive them.

Change your "should rules" about that person (what you expect of them.)
They "shouldn't" anything, just because you think they should.  Expect
less of them.

Give the other person permission to have done what they did, or be the
way they are.  (That doesn't mean that you have to like it.)

Say out loud "........  I forgive you completely.  & it doesn't matter
anymore."

I'll start the ball rolling.  Here goes:

Paul, I forgive you completely & it doesn't matter anymore.

Liesel