Theos-Talk Archives (November 1993 Message tl00026)

This is a follow-up comment to Eldon Tucker's message of 3 Nov
about a presentation at Krotona by Dr. Robert Ellwood, and his
wife, Gracia Fay Ellwood, about Near Death and Out of Body
Experiences...

I'm not a writer nor a typist. It is difficult, even painful, to
translate my thoughts into this clumsy language. I just got on-line
last week dreading all the reading I was going to have to do. But I
appreciate this opportunity to share a dialogue with someone about
these subjects.

It seems that a lot of people talk about such things, but I hear very
few personal accounts. Actually, I really don't believe most of what I
read. Years ago I found "AN ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF PSYCHIC SCIENCE" which
contains descriptions of some of the things I've experienced (by
Nandor Fodor, Citadel Press 1966).

Most of my experiences themselves have been non-verbal, so words will
not appropriately describe them. Maybe they will serve to comfort
those who may still feel alone and confused with their own
enlightenment.Your messages during the past week have been of
considerable help to me.

I came close to death last spring. I survived with the realization
that I had shared my personal experiences and thirty years of study
with only a handful of people. We each hold a small piece of some
cosmic puzzle and in this "extra" life I believe it's my responsibility
to give my contribution. This medium, this forum, allows me to do so
without seeking a publisher. We are living books. Why wait to read the
edited carcasses of each other's thoughts?

I was about ten when a small star came out of the night sky and gently
floated down to about twenty feet outside my bedroom window. It became
about two feet in diameter and hit me in the head with a beam of white
light. Emerging from the star was a small blue creature, similar to
the little ones in Close Encounters, but only about a foot tall. I
then seemed to be drawn into the beam and the light, but I have no
memory of anything else. My mom said it was a dream. It wasn't.

I had no related experiences until I was twenty, in the Service. For
some time I had been depressed and really wanted to die. One night, as
I was about to drift off to sleep, there was a humming sound inside my
head and I felt like I was falling. It was frightening. I had felt
this several times before but I had always fought it, struggling to
move and force myself awake. This time I let myself fall. There was
nothing for a long time, just the sense of falling in total darkness,
straight down. Then it seemed I was moving sideways through a large
dim tunnel. A small light appeared in the distance. I flew toward it.
I came out of the tunnel into a starfield.

Another time I found myself floating in my room, looking down on my
body in bed. I drifted to the open window and thought about heading
out into the stars. But I felt that if I did I would not come back. So
I consciously returned to my sleepy head.

That same year I was hypnotized and regressed beyond my birth. Same
tunnel thing but when I came out I tried to go straight into the
Light. I couldn't. It hurt my eyes and gave me a bad headache.

I had various other "psychic events" over the next few years, but
they're different. They're more like learning a visual vocabulary. The
Light itself is a more awesome thing.

My dad and I had been taking care of my mom at home as she struggled
with cancer. One night, about two weeks before her death, she cried
out in pain, asking to die. I was overcome with grief, helplessness,
despair and anger. I pleaded with the Great Unknown to be taken in her
place or at least be allowed to ease her suffering. Through the tears,
the humming came, the falling, the tunnel. This time I didn't get out.
Instead, the Light came in - straight into my head. A sense of calm
and peace came over me as I beheld this most beautiful, slowly
spinning wheel of rainbow light, with a center of moving liquid mercury.

These words are now here because of those experiences. I don't know
what comes next. I study sacred geometry and music. As technology
progresses maybe I'll be able to paint you a picture or play you a
tune online. I'm an artist, so I'd feel better about that. And I'm a
cartoonist, so I'm really not as serious as this sounds.

Thanks for being here.

Love,

Daniel